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Question 641: Sir Can I ask question I want answer in light of our deen. Wsalam My quesiton on behalf of my friend she is married her husband is addict to talk to other girls every time of chat she talk to him about this and he said it’s man’s nature and I am not ashamed and I vl do she is worried that now what she vl do so her husband don’t do this. Can you please let us know the Rights and Duties of Women in Islam and Reasons why men chat with non-Mahram?

Answer 641: According to all maraj, all kinds of relations with a non-Mahram including joking, expressing mutual love, talking with the intention of deriving pleasure, looking at the body of a girl (except her face and hands up to the wrists) and at her hair or looking at her face with pleasure are haram (forbidden). In fact, if it is feared that they might fall into a sin, it is forbidden for them to have any kinds of relationship with each other.[1]

Islam has prescribed marriage (temporary and permanent) to address this need, in addition to any sexual need, be it flirting, touching, caressing, and so forth, must only take place after marriage has been contracted. Even if boy and girl who are fiances and are planning on getting married in the future, but haven’t contracted any form of marriage yet, cannot take such pleasures in each other, even if it is only limited to having an intimate conversation or shaking hands.

Therefore, if any form of marriage hasn’t been contracted he wouldn’t be allowed to talk to any non-Mahram girl, according to Islam. If he doesn’t listen he is committing sin. And saying this is a man’s nature is one of the Satan’s temptations to justify his sin. Because, it is not permissible for a boy and a girl to make friendship with each other. Also, pre-marital relation between a boy and a girl is not permissible under any circumstances, according to maraja[2]. [3]

The reasons why some men are trying to establish such relationship with non-Mahram woman can be of the followings:

  1. Life is Boring: He may think that his life is so boring and then he tries to make friendship with another woman. Some kinds of solutions have been mentioned below so that you can perform your responsibilities based on them in order that your life becomes good.
  2. Lack of affection in Marriage: Both wife and husband are supposed to perform their rights and duties in order to find their rest in one another. Doing their righteous deeds and act based on the rights and responsibilities mentioned in Islam can help them bring back affection in marriage.
  3. Despite having all the necessary reasons for successful marriage but the husband is trying to make friendship with non-Mahram. He almost forgot this verse of the holy Quran that Allah created for us mates from your own selves that we may take comfort in them. Such people are in loss except those who believe and do good, and enjoin on each other truth, and enjoin on each other patience.[4]

Rights and Duties of Women:

The followings are some duties a woman is supposed to perform towards her husband:

Taking care of husband:

Taking care of one’s husband has an important position. It has been equated to the role of Jihad (holy war in the path of Allah). “Imam Ali (a.s) stated: ‘The Jihad of a woman is to take care of her husband well’.”11

“The Prophet (S) of Islam stated: ‘ Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her, enters Paradise’.”12

The Holy Prophet also stated: “If a woman does not perform her duty as a spouse, she has not done her duty to Allah’.”13

Love and Affection:

Everyone is thirsty for friendship and kindness; They all like to be loved by others. The heart of a human being thrives on it. A person who is not loved by anyone regards himself as alone and deserted. So, your husband is not any different. He is also in need of love and affection. Before his marriage the love and affection of his parents fulfilled this need, but now, he expects you to fulfill it.

The man looks towards his spouse to find friendship and love, which is a requirement of all human beings. He struggles hard to earn a living and to comfort you. He shares with you all the hardships of life and as your true partner cares for your happiness even more than your parents. Therefore, express your appreciation to him and love him, he will love you. Love is a two-way relationship which unites the hearts.

“Imam Rida (a.s) stated: ‘Some women are blessings for their husbands who express their love and affection’.”15

“The Holy Prophet (S) stated: ‘The best of you among women are those who possess love and affection’.”16

“Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) stated: ‘When you love someone, let the person know’.”17

Respect:

The desire for respect is an inherent one, but not everyone is willing to give it readily.

“The Holy Prophet (S) stated: ‘The duty of a woman is to answer the call at the door and welcome her husband’.”‘[5]

“Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) stated: ‘A woman who respects her husband and does not harass him, will be fortunate and prosperous’.”[6]

“The Holy Prophet (S) stated: ‘A wife is duty-bound to arrange for a basin and towel to wash her husband’s hands’.”[7]

Complaints and Grievances:

There is not anyone who does not have problems and grievances with regard to daily life. Everyone likes to have a sympathetic person with whom he can confide and who will listen to his problems. But the point to remember is that “there is a time and place for everything”. One should realize the proper time and occasion to complain.

“The Prophet (S) of Islam stated: ‘The prayers of a woman who teases her husband with her tongue, are not accepted (by Allah) even though she fasts every day, gets up for the acts of worship every night, sets free a few slaves and donates her wealth in the way of Allah. A bad-tongue woman who hurts her husband in this way, is the first person who enters hell’.”[8]

“The Holy Prophet (S) also stated: ‘The women of Paradise say to those women who abuse their husbands in this way: ‘May Allah kill you. Do not misbehave with your husband. This man (the husband) is not yours, and you do not deserve him. Soon he will leave you and come towards us’.”[9]

Pleasant Dispositions:

“Imam as-Sadiq (a.s) stated: ‘No life is more agreeable than the one which is of a pleasant nature’.”[10]

“The Holy Prophet (S) stated: ‘A person with a bad disposition and attitude would be in permanent agony and suffering’.”[11]

“Imam as-Sadiq (a.s) stated: ‘Allah Almighty will grant a well-disposed person a reward equivalent to the blessings of Jihad. He will endow many blessings onto him day and night’.”[12]

“Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) stated: ‘Any woman who bothers her husband and distresses him is distant from the blessings of Allah and any woman who respects her husband, is obedient and does not cause him sorrow, is blessed and prosperous’.”[13]

To Understand and be Compatible:

You are supposed to be reasonable, wise and understanding. Keep an account of your expenses. Budget your expenditures in a way that it is not detrimental to your wealth and honor.

“In a tradition, the Holy Prophet (S) stated: ‘Any woman who is not compatible with her husband and persuades him to act beyond his capacity, then her deeds would not be accepted by Allah. She would taste the wrath of Allah on the Day of Resurrection’.”[14]

In another Tradition, the Holy Prophet (S) stated: “Any woman who is not compatible with her husband, is not content with what Allah has blessed them with, and treats her husband harshly by demanding him to give more than he is able, then her acts (or worship) are not acceptable by Allah and He will be angry with her’.”[15]

“In other tradition, the Holy Prophet (S) stated: After having faith in Allah, there is not any greater blessing than to have a compatible spouse’.”[16]

To be a Comfort for Husband:

The burdens of life weigh heavily upon the shoulders of men since they are responsible for maintaining and supporting their families. So, when your husband comes home, try to have a smile and a warm greeting for him.

“In a tradition, Imam as-Sadiq (a.s) stated: ‘There is nothing better in the world than a good wife. And a good wife is the one whose husband, becomes glad upon seeing her’.”[17]

“In a tradition, Imam Rida (a.s) stated: ‘There are a group of women who raise many children. They are kind and sympathetic. They support their husbands in times of difficulty and in the affairs of this world and the next. These women do not commit any acts which would incur a loss upon their husbands nor multiply their difficulties’.”[18]

Cleanliness:

One of the important duties of a housewife is maintaining cleanliness in the house. Cleanliness is the key to hygiene and health. It prevents many illnesses and attracts the family members to the house. It is a source of respect for the family.

“The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: ‘The religion of Islam is based upon cleanliness’.”[19]

“The Prophet of Allah (S) also stated: ‘Islam is immaculate, so you should make efforts for cleanliness because only the clean ones would enter Paradise’.”[20]

Not to look for Shortcomings:

Nobody is perfect. “The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: ‘There is nothing worse for human beings than to seek the faults of others, while ignoring their own flaws’.”[21]

Only look at your Husband:

You, the wife have agreed to live with your husband, why should you be constantly noticing other man? Why should you compare him with others? What do you achieve by looking at other men except putting yourself in a permanently miserable state and cause mental anguish for yourself?

“Imam Ali (a.s) stated: ‘Whoever leaves his eyes at liberty, will always suffer through his nerves, and will be trapped in a permanent state of envy’.”[22]

“The Holy Prophet (S) stated: ‘Any married woman, who looks at other men, would be subject to the vehement wrath of Allah’.”[23]

Forgiveness:

A man meets many people while at work and he comes across many problems. Once he returns home from work, he is tired and upon confronting the smallest unpleasant incident becomes angry and may insult his family. So, a wise lady would remain silent towards her husband’s ranting and insults.

‘The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: ‘The best of your women is one who, upon seeing her husband’s anger, tells him: ‘I submit to your will. Sleep will not pass over my eyes unless you become content with me’.”[24]

“The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: ‘A bad woman does not forgive her husband’s mistake and does not accept his apology’.”[25]

“Imam Ali (a.s) stated: ‘ Act moderately with the women in every instance. Speak to them nicely in order that their deeds become good’.”[26]

“Imam Sajjad (a.s) stated: ‘One of the rights of a woman upon her husband is that he should forgive her ignorance and foolishness’.”[27]

“The Prophet of Allah (S) stated: ‘ Any man who copes with his incompetent wife, the Almighty Allah, upon his patience (towards his wife) on every occasion, would grant him the reward of patience of Hadrat Ayyub (a.s)’. [28][29]

And Look your Best for Your Husband:

One of the important things is to know how to attract your husband in bed. The followings are some ways you can attract your husband:

  1. Get into sexy underwear: It is said that men by nature are easily aroused and visibly stimulated than women. So, try to get into sexy underwear by buying most beautiful linegerie, and always dress neatly as well as getting the best pick in size for your shape.
  2. Taking your Husband by Surprise: Meaning that you are supposed to do something unusual in order to satisfy him and see how it feels. E.g. when he is leaving for the office, hold his hand, and whisper sexy words to his ear. Tell him, I cannot wait to show you what I’m wearing under this tonight. I think you will like it. This is just ideas, so don’t limit yourself to this examples. Be creative in this matter!
  3. Try new sexual style of adventure: You are also supposed to do what is safe for your health and what will not bring you into troubles.
  4. Smiling and laughing whit your Husband: It is considered as a good pointer that you accept him by showing smile face in your conversation with him in the bed. This idea makes you more attractive and stimulates your sensory rewards. But, do not go overboard with this so as not to look funny.
  5. Keep your body free from Foul Odor: Being hygienic and smelling nice create a high sense of attraction. You can try and apply a nice perfume. It is noteworthy for a woman to adorn herself only for her husband. Because, the Prophet (pbuh) stated: ‘The best of your women is one who is obedient towards her husband, adorns herself for her husband but does not reveal her adornment to strangers; and the worst of your women is one who adorns herself in the absence of her husband’.” 70
  6. Having different sex styles: This way of having new style or position in sex can attract your husband more to you. You can also experiment the best style and position in which your husband likes the most.
  7. Physically and Mentally Fit: If you want to boost your sex life you need to get fit by engaging in physical fitness workout as it is one of the best way of attracting your husband. So, exercise and do not allow pain or stress in your body spoil your marriage.
  8. Dancing: It is another sexy way to attract your husband to your best. I.e. you can do it in an erotic way where your husband can notice you in bed room. You should remember that it is allowed for a wife to dance for her husband as long as dancing is not accompanied with harãm music, according to maraja.[30]

Conclusion: Firstly, according to all maraj, all kinds of relations with a non-Mahram are haram (forbidden). He as Shia Muslim must cut of such relationship and repent from the sin.

Secondly, in the holy Quran Allah, the Almighty says: “And of Allah’s Signs of Power is that He Created mates for you from your own Kind, (i. e. human being) to seek peace And happiness from one another and He caused love and kindness between You; and in all these there are Signs of Allah’s Power and Divine Wisdom for a people who reflect”.[31]

So, he need to seek peace And happiness from his own wife not from illegal and haram way.

Thirdly, we the Shia Muslims sometimes forget the real reason of our creation that Allah, the Almighty has not created us except we should serve Him.[32] And then we follow Satan instead. Because, He (SWT) swear by TIME that Most surely man is in loss, except those who believe and do good, and enjoin on each other truth, and enjoin on each other patience.[33]

So, if he is a Shia Muslim he need to increase his faith not to follow the temptations of Satan and try to please Allah, the Almighty and his own wife.

In case he has acted extravagantly against his own soul, he mustn’t despair of the mercy of Allah, as Surely Allah forgives the faults altogether and Surely He is the Forgiving, the Most Merciful.[34]

To his wife: Try all your best to perform your rights and responsibilities based on the above mentioned issues as well as referring both of you to the professional consultant to find the best solution for your own problems and then bring back the happiness and prosperities in your life. In sha Allah.

For further information in this regards, please refer to the following answers:

Index: Chatting on the internet with non-Mahram, answer 350.

Index: Permanent or Temporary marriage of a married man without the permission of his wife, answer 565.

Index: Premarital relation with non-Mahram is impermissible, answer 082.

Index: Looking at non-Mahram Body for Marriage, answer 611.

Index: Essential Requirements of a Successful Marriage in Islam, answer 515.

Index: Shaking Hands with non-Mahram Man or Woman, answer 603.

[1] . Adopted from answer 350 (Index: Chatting on the internet with non-Mahram).

[2] . The official website of the office of Sayyid Saistani, Question & Answer » Pre-marital Relation.

[3] . Adopted from answer 082.

[4] . Surah al-Asr, verses 1-3.

[5] . Mustadrak al-Wasael, vol 3, p 551.

[6] . Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 253.

[7] . Mustadrak al-Wasael, vol 3, p 551.

[8] . Bihar al-Anwar, vol 76, p 363.

[9] . Mahajjat al-Bayda, vol 2, p 72.

[10] . Bihar al-Anwar vol 71, p 389.

[11] . Ibid, vol 73, p 298.

[12] . Bihar al-Anwar, vol 71, p 377.

[13] . Ibid, vol 103, p 253.

[14] . Bihar al-Anwar, vol 71, p 244.

[15] . Ibid, vol 76. p 367.

[16] . Mustadrak al-Wasael, vol 3, p 532.

[17] . Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 217.

[18] . Mustadrak al-Wasael, vol 2, p 534.

[19] . Mahajjat al-Bayda, vol 1, p 166.

[20] . Majma’ al-Zawaid, vol 5, p 132.

[21] . Bihar al-Anwar, vol 73, p 385.

[22] . Ibid, vol 104, p 38.

[23] . Ibid, vol 104, p 39.

[24] . Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 103, p 239.

[25] . Ibid, vol 103, p 235.

[26] . Ibid, vol 103, p 123.

[27] . Ibid, vol 74, p 5.

[28] . Ibid, vol 76, p 367.

[29] . Refer to: Rights and Duties of Women in Islam, by: Ayatollah Amini.

[30] . Tawzih al-Masael of Maraja (annotated by Imam Khomeini), Vol. 2, Pg. 970, Q. 1171; Refer to: The official website of the office of Sayyid Sistani, Rules of Dancing.

[31] . Surah al-Room, verse 21.

[32] . Refer to_ Surah al-Dariyat, verse 56.

[33] . Refer to: Surah al-Asr.

[34] . Refer to: Surah al-Zumar, verse 53.

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