Question 602: Salaam! I’m a 20 years girl married to a Shia (I’m Sunni). When I married him I was married to a Christian (I’m a revert). There was not a sheikh, no witnesses and no Wali for me. My family doesn’t know about marriage. What is the ruling on getting married without permission of parents? This man started to beat me every day. Is this marriage valid?
Answer 602: According to the Shia point of view, the baligh virgin girl who can distinguish between what is to her benefit and what isn’t, must get her father’s or paternal grandfather’s (in the case of not having a father) permission if she wants to get married. In the case of her father or paternal grandfather not being present in a way that she can’t get their permission, and her having the need of getting married, their permission will no longer be a condition. [1] The same goes for the woman who isn’t a virgin; she doesn’t need to get permission either, if her virginity was lost to a previous husband. In the case of her virginity being lost by a mistaken intercourse, or even adultery, it is a mustahabb precaution to get permission if possible (which means it is better, although it still isn’t a condition and isn’t wajib).[2]
Therefore, if you have already got married and your virginity was lost to the previous husband, you don’t need to get your parents’ permission. And if you recited the marriage contract your marriage with him (Shia man) is valid.
Note: There is no problem for a Shia man to marry a Sunni woman, but if he fears to be misguided by her, it is not permissible for him to do so. [3]
The necessity of wife’s obedience to her husband is restricted to conjugal matters and the husband does not have the right to force her to do the washing up, cleaning, cooking and the likes.
The problems concerning household chores should be solved through understanding, sincerity, cooperation, sacrifice and selflessness of both husband and wife. Therefore, the husband even does not have the right to reprimand or rebuke his wife for not doing these jobs what to speak of bullying and beating her.
The man should know that he has not brought home a maidservant or a slave woman; rather he has brought home a partner, colleague, friend and helper, one whom he can expect to be available for sexual pleasures only.
Therefore, beating is not the act that Islam has allowed it without any condition. However, we don’t know the reason which is behind why your husband beats you every day!
So, try all your best to understand each other by providing a situation and condition in which both of you can discuss about your marriage and even the reason which is behind beating you.
It should be noted that according to the teachings of Islam and the tradition of great role models of our religion the atmosphere shadowing over a marital life at home must be full of intimacy and friendship as opposed to selfishness, self-centeredness and arrogance. If a wife and husband are friends with each other, most of the issues which pose themselves as predicaments will be easily resolved.
But, if you have already discussed with him about such issues and he wouldn’t like to leave his bad actions and there is no logical and canonical reasons behind them, try to convince him visit a professional psychologist or an Islamic scholar.
For further information in this regards, please refer to the following answer:
Index: Permissibility of getting Divorce when your partner has lied, answer 295.
Index: Essential Requirements of a Successful Marriage in Islam, answer 515.
Index: Rules regarding temporary or permanent marriage with people of the book, answer 080.
May your life be filled with health, joy, love and happiness!
[1]. Tawdihul-Masa’ele Maraje’, vol. 2, Pg. 387, issue 2376.
[2]. Ibid, vol. 2, Pgs. 458-459.
[3]. Ayatullah Vahid, Minhajul-Salehin, vol.3, issue 1298; Ayatullah Tabrizi, Minhajul-Salehin, vol.2, issue 1298; Ayatulah Nouri, Istifta’at, vol.1, question 668; Ayatullah Safi, Hidayatul-Ibad, vol.2, Al-Qawl fil Kufr; Imam Khomeini, Tahrirul-Wasilah, vol.2, Al-Qawl fil Kufr, Ayatullah Khamenei (istifta’), question 16 and 143; Ayatullah Makarem, Istifta’at, vol.1, question 708; Ayatullah Sistani, Minhajul-Salehin, vol.2, issue 215; The office of Ayatullah Fazel and Ayatullah Bahjat (narrated by Porseman).