Question 580: Assalam o Alaikum, my question is y psychologists cannot behave normal in their own life? My own sister in law is a clinical psychologist and she always behave oddly in matters related to family?
Answer 580: The reason why you think she behaves oddly toward her family can be of the followings:
Each science has its own particular definition about normal behavior.
Researchers have been working on defining normal and abnormal behavior for many years. According to them, abnormal behavior means being deviant or to go astray from natural path. Those who are very tall or short are considered as unnatural according to this definition. Also, one who has the highest level of intelligence is considered as unnatural according to custom. A psychologist examines such behavior using pathology approach.
The following are some different ways by which a psychologist define abnormal behavior:
Mental definition: We judge others based on our own behaviors. This means, we consider our own behaviors as the criterion to judge others. If their behaviors look like ours then we can say such behaviors are normal. Otherwise, it is considered as abnormal.
Normative definition: According to this definition, normal means perfection. Those who go astray from perfection, which has been defined by a political or religious organization, are considered as abnormal. It is said that this approach is focus on “thing which should be” instead of “thing which is logically possible”. If we want to conclude who is normal according to this definition we reach to this conclusion that no one is perfect.
Cultural definition: Culture dictates forms of different aspects of life to us. E.g. How to dress up, social behavior, language, love and etc. that have been determined by culture. Some of behaviors are culturally considered as taboo and others unlawful. Those who avoid such cultural standards are considered as abnormal. The definition of normal and abnormal behavior can be changed along with changing societal standards, norms and cultural traditions. It is enough to compare yourself with your parents. For instance, nowadays, things which have been considered as normal among youth had been considered as abnormal among previous generations.
Statistical definition: Normal distribution has particular features. For example, if you get less than 70 or more than 130 mark in each background you would be odd, but you are not considered as abnormal. This definition can be useful for measuring the capabilities of a person not for sensitive areas like a person’s personality of mental illness.
Clinical definition: Being abnormal usually come with incompatibility and odd behaviors. According to clinical psychologist, the difference between normal and abnormal person is almost mentally. They have been trying to find a way by which can exactly determine the difference.[1]
One of the important criterion for being abnormal is having irrational thoughts, according to clinical psychologists. This means, if a person has irrational belief about the universe is considered as abnormal.
Islamic definition: If you know yourself, nature, abilities, capabilities and the reason why you have created by Allah (SW) you would reach to the welfare goal which is achieving the greatest happiness in hereafter. In other word, if you know yourself you would know Allah, the Almighty. According to Islam, normal behavior is to obey Allah and disobey the faithless and the hypocrites. In the Holy Quran Allah (SWT) says: “There is certainly a good exemplar for you in them for those who look forward to Allah and the Last Day and anyone who refuses to comply [should know that] indeed Allah is the All-sufficient, the All-laudable”.[2] So, if we follow the holy Prophet (pbuh) and the Infallibles (pbuth) behaviors we considered as normal person according to Islam. Our behaviors would be accepted by Allah (SW) if they guided us to the straight path.
Note: In the Holy Quran Allah (SWT) says: “O you who believe! avoid most of suspicion, for surely suspicion in some cases is a sin And do not spy”. So, we Muslims are supposed not to be Inquisitive about other people’s life.[3]
Conclusion: If you think that she behaves oddly in matters related to family she may act based on her own knowledge got from clinical psychology. If you think her behavior is against Islamic Laws you are just supposed to forbid the way she is behaving in a good manner. According to some of psychologists, being optimistic is much better than being pessimistic. The similar issue can be found in our traditions as the Holy Prophet (pbuh) recommended us to refrain from bad suspicion about Allah (SW) and people.[4]
[1] . Bartlett, Steven (2011).
[2] . Surah al-Mumtahinah, verse 6.
[3] . Surah al-Hujurat, verse 12.
[4] . Qadhaee, Muhammad bin Salama, Sharh Farsi Shahab al-Akhbar (Sayings of the Holy Prophet)), Pg. 357; Sajestani, Abu Davood Suleiman bin Ash’ath, Sunnan Abi Davood, Vol. 4, Pg. 298.