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Cut ties with family who constantly commit sins

Question 138: I am a Muslim who has a relative that is an admitted alcoholic. According to Ayatollah Sistani what are the laws about keeping a relationship with this relative in this state? Is it permissible to tell others that he is a medically documented alcoholic? What are my rights to him as he falls under the category of a sibling to one of my parents?

Answer 138: It is obligatory to temporarily cut ties with family who constantly commit sins and that pay no attention to what Allah (SWT), the Holy Prophet (PBUH) and the Infallible Imams (pbuth) have said. If discarding this relationship can possibly cause him to avoid committing sins. This is a type of al-amr bi-l-maʿrūf (bid what is right) wa-n-nahy ʿani-l-munkar (forbid what is bad). Otherwise, you are not allowed to do so.[1]

There is a hadith of Imam Zain al-A’bedeen (a.s) as He recommended His son Imam Baqir (as) to avoid establishing communication with those who commit sins and Islamic laws don’t make sense to them.[2]

However, he committed such sin, but try all your best to help him find the right path and leave drinking alcohol, if you can. Also, try not to abandon him and leave him in this situation where he stymied.

It is recommended to restrict your relationship with him in a way that you just say Salam to him and let him know why you make such decision.

Imam Baqir and Imam Sadiq (pbuth) said, “Maintaining good relations with the relatives (Arham) purifies the deeds, increases the wealth, prevents calamities, makes the accounting easy (on the Day of Judgment) and delays death.[3]

For further information, please read the following answer:

Index: Estrangement from people or being with them, answer 060.

[1] . Tawzih al-Masaiel of Maraja’, Vol. 2, Pg. 772, question 1058; Ibid, Vol. 1, Pg. 76.

[2] . Al-Kafi, Muhammad ibn Ya’qubal-Kulayni, Vol. 2, Pg. 376, H 7.

[3] . Usul al-Kāfī, vol. 2, pg.150 & 151.

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Take Husbands surname on Marriage

Question 545: What is the Islamic ruling on the wife changing her last name after marriage? Is it recommended or wajib to take Husbands surname on Marriage?

Answer 545: As for a family name is typically a part of a person’s personal name it follows the law or custom obtained in each country. It is passed or given to children from father’s family name or from both of their parents’ family names. The laws vary around the world.

Traditionally in some countries for the past few hundred years, it was the custom or law that a woman would on marriage use the surname of her husband and that children of a man would have the father’s surname. But, Islam has neither suggested us to change our last name after marriage nor mentioned any records in which a woman has ever taken her husband’s surname on marriage.

However, we can see in some countries that when a man from a lower-status family married an only daughter from a higher-status family, he would often adopt the wife’s family name.

In a few countries like the US, upon marriage, men can easily change their surname to that of their wife’s or a combination of their two names with the federal government, through the Social Security Administration, but may face difficulty on the state level in some states. In some places, civil rights lawsuits or constitutional amendments changed the law so that men could also easily change their married names (e.g., in British Columbia and California). Though other countries laws permits neither spouse to change surnames.

When we refer to the names of the Infallibles’ (pbuth) wives we see that they never changed their own families after marriage. They always get called by their own first or family names. E.g. Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, Fatima bint Muhammad, Ja’da bint al-Ash’at and etc.

In regards to calling a step-son, in the Holy Quran Allah (SWT) says: “Call them by the name of his Father; That is more just with Allah.”[1]

As a result, having an independent name can be considered as one of the symbols of Self Independence and autonomy which always follow the laws and custom obtained in each country. This is a personal issue that everyone is, according to the law and custom obtained in his/her country, allowed to do it. It is not something related to Fiqhi or other Islamic issue that Islam should have a rule about. Therefore, this is not recommended nor wajib. It is only considered as Mubah (i.e. is it ja’iz).

For further information in this regards, please refer to the following answer:

Index: Ahkam al-Khamsa / Wajib, Haram, Mustahab, Makru and Mubah, answer 341.

[1] . Surah Ahzab, verse 5.