Question 054: What is the rule of a wife’s illegal relationship with non-Mahram? My wife had an illegal relationship and I caught her red-handed. I asked her about their relationship but she didn’t acknowledge any relationship. I explained to both of them what they were doing. She promised me that henceforth she would never talk to or have any relationship with him at all. She however, talked to another guy and the same thing happened. Why is she doing this? What is wrong with her?
Answer 054: There would be no problem to interact with others in ways that are necessary for communication in daily life if there is no such a fear that we might fall into a sin. Unnecessary and unconventional behavior such as, amorous conversations and physical relationships between non-Mahram man and woman is not allowed.[1]
This unlawful behavior could be the consequence of several root causes, some of which will be explored below. Some recommendations will also be given that will enable you to intervene and prevent her from continuing to commit such sins.
Abnormal behaviors in your wife could be the result of several factors caused by you, that are likely to include emotional distress, verbal abuse, or even sexual deficiencies that have arisen during the course of the marriage.
Women need validation, appreciation and positive attention from their husband in order to maintain healthy behaviors. Also, any unconventional matters in your conjugal life may have discouraged her to get married to you, but she may have consented to marry you because of a particular factor and condition. The last and most important reason could be ignorance of the negative and harmful consequences of her sin and her weakness in her faith in Allah (swt).
The recommended action would be to have a sit down with your wife and inquire in an intimate and friendly manner about these behaviors.
If it is your behaviors and actions which caused her to establish such communications with others, try to correct your behaviors and actions. If there are other factors which could have caused these behaviors in her, try to establish what these factors are and together work to find the best solution for each problem. In any case, make her aware of the negative and harmful consequences of such sins and remind her of the Day of Judgment. In this regards, Allah (swt) says: “O you who believe! turn to Allah a sincere turning; maybe your Lord will remove from you your evil and cause you to enter gardens beneath which rivers flow, on the day on which Allah will not abase the Prophet and those who believe with him”” Their light shall run on before them and on their right hands; they shall say: Our Lord! make perfect for us our light, and grant us protection” Surely Thou hast power over all things”[2]
For further information in this regards, please refer to the following answer:
Index: Premarital relation with non-Mahram is impermissible, answer 082.
Index: Disclose Unlawful Relations to a Potential Wife!, answer 053.
Index: Essential Requirements of a Successful Marriage in Islam, answer 515.
[1] . For further information, please visit: The official website of the office of Sayyid Sistani (ha), Rules concerning Male and Female Relations.
[2] . Surah al-Tahrim, verse 8.