Question 053: Should a man disclose unlawful relations to whom he wants to get married? Is he allowed to lie in order to get rid of evil if she asks about his past relations?

Answer 053: Islam, however introduce the trustfulness and honesty as the biggest capital in a couple’s life and says that where there is honesty in a family, there is no ground for any misunderstanding and misconception and if a husband and wife want to betray or deceive each other and tell each other lies, then there is no way they can trust each other, but one mustn’t disclose his sins (small or big) to anyone. He must keep his secrets (regarding his sins) to himself. From Islam’s perspective the self-respect a person has for himself is so significant that he can only confess his sins before Allah in the sense of asking for forgiveness.

Not only will he not lose his respect but by confessing before Allah he will gain more. This is something solely restricted to Allah , for no other person even if he were to be a trustworthy person, is capable of returning one’s respect (that has been lost when he confesses to that person), let alone increasing it.

On top of that, based on the tawhidi (monotheistic) viewpoint in Islam the sole cause for everything in this world is Allah [1] and no one can do anything without his permission especially granting forgiveness and pardon which has not been assigned to any individual or character in Islam other than Allah (swt) himself.

In this regards, Imam Javad (as) says: If you come to know about the secrets of each other no one of you would bury one another. This means that after knowing your friends’ secrets you would fed up with them in a way that never bury their bodies.[1]

In order to avoid discrediting others and spreading prostitution no one is allowed to disclose his/her unlawful relations with others, according to Islam. One must only confess his/her mistakes and sins before Allah (SWT) and truly ask for His forgiveness, then Allah (SWT) will forgive him/her. In the holy Quran Allah (SWT) says: “Say: O My servants! who have acted extravagantly against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah Surely Allah forgives the faults altogether Surely He is the Forgiving, the Merciful”.[2]

Note: Once someone said in front of Imam Ali (as), “Astaghfirullah” (I ask Allah’s forgiveness), then Imam Ali (as) said, “Your mother may lose you! Do you know what ‘istighfar’ (asking Allah’s forgiveness) is?”[3]

‘Astighfar’ is meant for people of a high position. It is a word that stands on six meanings:

1. To repent over the past.
2. To make a firm determination never to revert to it.
3. To discharge all the rights of the people so that you may meet Allah quite clean with nothing to account for.
4. To fulfill every obligatory act which you ignored (in the past) so that you may now do justice with it.
5. To aim at the flesh grown as a result of unlawful earning, so that you may melt it by grief (of repentance) till the skin touches the bone and a new flesh grows between them.[4]
6. To make the body taste the pain of obedience as you (previously) made it taste the sweetness of disobedience. On such occasion you may say: ‘astaghfirullah’.[5]

For further information in this regards, please refer to the following answer:

Index:  Premarital relation with non-Mahram is impermissible, answer 082.

[1] لا مؤثر فی الوجود الا الله

[1] . Sheikh Sadouq, Muhammad bin Ali, Amali, Pg. 446, Aalami Publication, Beirut, 1400 A.H.

[2] . Surah al-Zumar, verse 53.

[3] . Biharul Anwar, Vol. 93, Pg. 285.

[4] . Adopted from answer 139 (Index: How to Repent from Sins (high on drug) committed in the month of Ramadan).

[5] . “الجنة محفوفة بالمکاره و جهنم محفوفة باللذات و الشهوات” Wasa’ilul-Shia, vol. 15, pg. 309, section 42 (the section that speaks of refraining from haram desires and pleasures).